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| Ying Ying was not a dog person. Until Max came along. |
But when Ying Ying spoke the
room fell silent. Hers is a story of an incredible transformation. A former
teacher of Social Justice and Criminology, she had given up her career to
emigrate to Australia. She promised her daughter a dog to sweeten the move, but
– not an animal person herself - thought the promise would be forgotten. She
was wrong.
When she told her story
about the unexpected bond that formed between her and Max, I don’t think there
was a dry eye in the house.
I bought a copy of her book
and read it that night. It’s a beautiful reflection on our relationship with
companion animals and the huge philosophical questions this raises around
animal consciousness, inter-species communication, belonging, dying and death,
and the meaning of life. It also provided some (for me) very helpful insights
into an owner’s perspective of veterinary visits.
Ying Ying took some time to e-chat with SAT about her book.
[Just a note - she has been incredibly generous, so I recommend making a cuppa to drink while you read over this post].
Can you tell us a little bit about your
background?
I was born to Chinese parents, raised and
educated in Hong Kong. My first job was to educate the Hong Kong society
against corruption and after that I started an academic career teaching Sociology
and Criminology. In 1999, I, my husband and our daughter migrated to Sydney. I
became a full time housewife and a dog owner when we started our new Australian
life.
You gave up an academic career to move to
Australia. Was that a big decision?
Indeed, it was a very big decision for me because
I liked everything intellectual and found domestic works boring and frustrating.
Besides, losing my career meant losing my identity as a professional. But
because my new life didn’t permit me to continue my teaching career, and also
due to the frequent overseas commitments of my husband, I had to sacrifice my
personal ambition in order to safeguard a healthy development for our family,
especially for our daughter.
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| The dog who changed everything: Max. |
How did you feel about dogs and companion
animals in general before you met Max?
Taking into consideration our traditions and
customs, I think conventional Chinese mentality does not agree that humans
should be emotionally affected by animals. Most Chinese think that animals are
either to be eaten or used by humans, though nowadays many keep dogs and cats
for pleasure. It has become a fashion to ‘love’ animals, but the Chinese’s
understanding of animals is still very superficial.
As a child, I was never taught to feel for
animals, not to mention loving them. Before I met Max, I had thought of dogs,
cats and other companion animals as generally useful as they could guard the
home, catch mice or give fun to children. But I considered them as ‘extras’ in
human life, not necessary, not significant, and not to be taken seriously.
Because my interests were in Social Sciences and Literature, I paid little
attention to animals although we lived with a cat in Hong Kong. The cat was
really my German husband’s cat—she had been there before we got married. I
never treated her as my companion. My life was busy and there was no room for
excessive sentiments for mere animals.
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| Max on the stairs. |
You described a moment, a look, in which
your view about dogs changed. What do you think happened?
There are quite a few moments in the book in
which I described myself as stunned, moved and even overwhelmed by what I saw
in dogs. First of all, my encounter with Max in the RSPCA was an eye-opener.
When I gazed at Max, I could see right away that those were not eyes of a
creature merely controlled by mechanical instincts. His expressive eyes could
actually convey thoughts and feelings. This was something I had never thought
of before.
And when we picked up Max to bring him home, I saw how he and the
other dogs behaved---I was not prepared for such a moving scene that I had to
reconsider the capabilities of dogs. I think what happened in those moments was
that I suddenly realised how superficial and narrow-minded I had been in my
judgement of dogs. I felt ashamed of my own human arrogance and thus humbled by
what was unfolding in front of me to show me an aspect of life—a dog’s life,
something I had used to disregard. I was challenged by what dogs are and how
much humans can be affected by them.
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| Max hogs the balls. |
You reflect a lot on the intensity of the
bond between yourself and Max. Why do you think our bond with companion animals
can be so strong?
Our bond with companion animals can be very
strong because the love that we experience with them is pure, without pretension,
always available and unconditional. They love you for who you are, and their
love doesn’t wear out. Such noble sentiments are able to draw out the best in
humans. We then become capable of loving for the animals’ sake, willing to
sacrifice our own interests; for by giving a lot, we actually taking back more
than we expected. The strength of the relationship also comes from the
certainty of its never fading quality. In human relationships we can never be
so sure and often feel disappointed.
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| Max enjoys the park. |
You had to go to the vet a lot, and
wrote: “I have so often stepped into the vet’s surgery ready to be told the
worst, only to step out again with affirmation of life together. Max and I then
walk away with lively strides, even more conscious of what it means to share
our life together, of the shortness and fragility of life and the brevity of
most human-animal relationship.” Do you think pet owners in general feel
vulnerable at the vet and if so, how can we help?
I think experienced pet owners shouldn’t feel
vulnerable at the vet as they generally understand animals and how vets work.
But for first-time pet owners who don’t know much about animals and how to
handle them, visits to the vet can be a traumatic experience especially if they
are not familiar with the terms of treatments.
As I was a first-time dog owner
and actually a bit afraid of dogs, trying to understand what the vet asked me
to do and afterwards dealing with Max at home, be it dropping the pill into his
throat or cleaning his ears, I felt most of the times quite worried, unsure,
and hence vulnerable.
Besides, with our pets, we are like their
gods who have the power of prolonging or terminating life. So it’s also this aspect
that made me feel anxious---one can destroy a life by one’s own mistakes and
animals have no way to protest.
I think it will help a great deal if vets
take into consideration that some pet owners are just very ignorant in caring
for their pets. In such situations, patience and clarity in explaining the
illnesses and possible treatments are very necessary. Another aspect is an
expressed empathy. When people have no confidence in themselves, it’s very
important that they feel concern and care from the vet. It’s understandable
that vets are often overloaded with work, but they can actually achieve more if
pet owners are helped to develop trust in the vet and confidence in themselves.
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| Part of the family: Max unwraps a gift. |
In the book you talk about human beings
trapped in a timeline. How do you think dogs perceive time?
I think dogs perceive time as occasions to do
certain things, like time to eat, time to go to the park, time to bond etc.
It’s interesting that they never forget about time (e.g. never miss the time to
go out), yet they are not bound by time.
They don’t put themselves on a
timeline, to be conditioned by the past, the present and the future, so they
are not worried about planning anything. When the occasion comes, they are
anxious about what is going to happen. For example, they can easily develop
anxiety when they have been waiting for a long time for their owners to return
home.
I think for them, life is a series of moments to act and react: to smell,
to eat, to look, to listen, to touch, to play, to love, to sleep…Because they
are only concerned about that particular moment, their sadness or joy can be so
complete and real. That’s why when we are with them, we can also be caught by
the moment, to savour the here and now.
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| Max at the beach. |
You describe your grief over Max’s loss
as profound. “No rehearsal could have prepared me for the pain, the searing
pain.” The grief we feel for animals is very real, but has been described by
some as disenfranchised grief because many feel they cannot share this grief or
shouldn’t feel it over “just an animal”. What did your experience with Max
teach you about grief for animals?
I used to think that animals were hardly
important to mankind and I didn’t agree that we should grieve over an animal. My
experience with Max has taught me that one can love an animal very deeply and
therefore one can grieve profoundly over an animal.
When it’s time to grieve, there
shouldn’t be any difference between missing a human and an animal. It’s the
quality of the love that determines the depth of the sorrow. However, for the
loss of an animal, one tends to restrain oneself in expressing the anguish, especially
if there are human affairs to attend to. It is often thought that human life
should go on as usual since the animal was not part of the human world.
But my
loss of Max has shown me that companion animals are part of our human life. The moment when Max left me, I realised
how much he had been part of me. And as he went, he took away some of me.
That’s why it’s so important to go through the grief, to heal the soul by
tasting the pain, confronting the loss, and not pushing the sadness away. Every human-animal relationship is unique and
everyone should be allowed time to grieve properly. The loss of a pet, and
possibly one’s best friend, shouldn’t be belittled.
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| Max as he will be forever remembered - enjoying the finer things in life: a beautiful beach, a fine stick... |
You quote Goethe, who said that “We are
shaped and fashioned by what we love”. How did Max change you as a person?
Max transformed me from an arrogant,
self-centred human to a loving and caring animal lover. He opened my eyes and
ears to experience an interesting world that is made up of both humans and animals. My new world had a lot of nature and
creatures of all kinds, but very little me. Max was able to direct my attention
away from my self-obsession and he turned my focus to the beauty of the natural
sceneries and animals, especially dogs. Affected by his pure and truthful
nature, I became less calculative and more compassionate, not just to animals
but also to humans as well. He showed me that we are all parts of the whole,
created for joy.
In short, I have learnt how to enjoy the
moments in life, what the true meaning of love is, and why simplicity is the
wisdom in life. I have been shaped, both intellectually and emotionally, by Max
to know what really matters in life.
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| Max. |
Do you have any words of advice to
future vets, vet students or pet owners?
Before I offer any words of advice, I must
first of all thank all existing vets for their valuable work to treat and save
animals. I’m impressed by your compassion for the weak and vulnerable animals
that cannot fight for themselves and can be so easily disregarded by humans. So,
many thanks!
To future vets, the vet students, I
appreciate your passion for animals and thank you for having chosen such a
meaningful study and future profession. I’m sure you know, but I still want to
point out that your future job will not be easy. It requires a lot of
dedication and hard work, and as animals don’t speak about their problems, you
have to be quite imaginative, creative and innovative.
Also, we humans can
easily become insensitive to animals’ misfortunes especially when you are
confronted with them on a daily basis. As you become more experienced in your
profession, the real challenge will be how to maintain your enthusiasm and
passion. But you will always be rewarded by the lovely thankful looks of both
humans and animals. And as this is a job done with your hearts as well, you
will feel heartened with indescribable joy.
To the pet owners, I thank you for being
bighearted for even non-humans, and I congratulate you for having found joy and
fun from wonderful animals. Do not just keep them as pets, go further than just
being ‘owners’. Explore your animals, talk to them, connect with them, learn
from them. Let them be your friends, give them your love while you taste their
unconditional love, enjoy your companionship. You are in a unique relationship that
is beyond human rationality. Be grateful, and cherish your animal friends.
Thank you, Ying Ying, for sharing your amazing story. If you would like to read more please check out her book "Starting With Max", either on paper, as an audiobook, or as an ebook. Order here direct from the publisher or via Amazon here.
